Having another dementor attack again today. If people care enough and find this blog, then well, here’s how I feel.
1. When I try saying out loud how I feel, the words leave me. What seemed so coherent and comprehensive in my mind would come out just a random jumble of worthless words.
2. I cry, suddenly at times and for no reason. Sometimes I find a reason to cry while crying and I cry more. There was a week last year when I just couldn’t stop even if I wanted to already.
3. You keep trying to find out why you’re like this — broken and cracked. Depression is considered a mental disability. I certainly don’t know why I’m like this and I do feel incapable of doing anything right now. I was so productive and doing so well last week, but here I am at the bottom once more.
4. You keep second guessing yourself. Are you really depressed or just whiny? And then the dementors come and you realize that yeah, you are. Then you go back to questioning yourself and the cycle repeats.
5. There are times when you feel nothing at all. 100% apathy. Then when you feel something, like incredible melancholy, you’d feel glad that you’re actually feeling something. This is why I’ve renamed my blog to Mokona Feels.
Well, that’s it so far right now. I guess I’ll add more later if I feel like it.