Plenty of people have watched and ugly cried because of La La Land. A lot of people probably have had their own interpretation of what the dream sequence meant and a lot of people probably have their own interpretations of the scene before *spoiler alert!!* Emma Stone’s character, Mia, goes to Paris, where she tells Ryan Gosling’s character, Sebastian, “I will always love you.”

(I really wonder why Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling haven’t gotten together in real life. Of course, I love love love Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield and I also really love love love Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, but Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling have been a love team for THREE movies already!! Also, I predict that this movie will go down in history as a pretty iconic homage to the golden era of Hollywood.)

Gosh, I hate that this part of me was triggered again. I don’t know why, but after greater than 2 freaking years, I still remember my ex whenever I hear songs that remind me of him. Oh don’t get me wrong, I think back and think “why did I ever get together with him?” and “Oh, he’s so gross now” and “Oh, thank god I got out of that relationship.” But this doesn’t mean I’m not grateful to him for all the time and energy he’s given to be with me and help me grow. He was my first love and I guess it really is difficult to forget your first love. Things have changed, but that part of me that loved him will remain inside me (albeit tinier compared to other things). This is what Mia’s “I will always love you” to Sebastian means to me. I loved him for such a long time, how can he not leave a mark on me?

I think your heart has the capacity to love many people. I don’t mean that you should be polygamous. (Side note: Monogamy in animals seems to have developed to ensure the passing of genes of one individual to another, without the interference of third parties). Like I said in an earlier post, I think you can love someone one way, and another person in another way. I will always love my first love, but the idea of who he is and who I was are all in the past. It’s a nostalgic kind of love, I guess. I will always love my significant other right now. I couldn’t have gotten through my depression if it weren’t for him. I’m forever grateful to these two people I have loved and will continue to love.

Then, there’s also platonic love. I’ve lost friends and gained them throughout the 21 years I’ve been living. It was so difficult for me to accept that once I got to college. I think it contributed to my depression, but I’m learning to cope now. People come and go and it’s alright. C’est la vie. I’ll also love them forever. I’ll miss being friends with them, but I love my friends right now. I’m sorry we drifted apart and I’m sorry for all the faults I’ve done. I’m grateful to all of them and I wish them the best.

Today, a video of Powerpuff Girls‘ showed up on my Facebook newsfeed. It’s them singing about love makes the world go round. I know I periodically hate other people and myself, but beneath all that, I’m thankful and, like everyone, I have a lot of love to give.


P.S. My interpretation for the ending of La La Land is that Mia chose her ambitions over Sebastian. It’s not wrong to choose yourself. Also, I read somewhere that it’s an antithesis of golden-age Hollywood movies where the couple usually gets back together. Whatever, I love the movie 110%.